Episode 26 "Who to invite to your wedding"
Description
We had an official listener request! Thank you to Emily from Texas for sending us such a great topic to discuss 🎉
On this weeks episode, Tash and Kass are discussing how to choose who to invite to your wedding. This is probably one of the most emotionally driven areas of wedding planning. Most brides will hear "I better be invited" from a co-worker or from an extended family friend that they don't have a close relationship with. So how do you choose? And on top of that--do you allow children or no children to the wedding?
We always want to remind our listeners that the most important people are you and the person you are marrying. No one else. So always do what is best for you (both financially and emtionally) We hope this episode gives you a good base for start that daunting task of a guest list.
Links for wedding guest list and who to invite:
https://www.brides.com/story/questions-to-ask-before-inviting-wedding-guests
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/who-should-i-invite-to-my-wedding
https://todaysbride.com/blog/planning/2018/11/19/quiz-who-should-make-the-guest-list/
https://www.zazzle.com/ideas/wedding/how-many-people-should-i-invite-to-my-wedding-quiz
https://www.weddingideasmag.com/take-guest-list-quiz/
Links to us:
Website: https://www.va-bridal.com/
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TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@versaillesatelierbridal?
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/VA_Bridal/
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Rainbow Wedding Network: https://www.rainbowweddingnetwork.com/formal-wear-apparel/ut/south%20jordan/versailles-atelier-bridal
Have questions or episode ideas? Email us at everybodypod@va-bridal.com
Episode 26 "Who to invite to your wedding"
This automatic transcript is brought to you by AI technology.
I forgot the count in was on Cast's vibin how are you doing today? I'm here, You're here. I mean, that's all we could ask for. But you did have an extra day off yesterday. It's very true.
I knew my favorite place. Yeah, but she actually kind of started wedding planning. Sure. I mean you looked at a venue in person, So I'm a count that.
I'll take that as a win. Baby steps casts, she's bright red over here, stressful. Well, I figured, since you're in the early stages of wedding planning, there is a cute ride. She reached out to us the end of June, and side note, Cass and I did record an episode after she sent us a message.
It was a day of Cass having absolutely no sleep and I had had Ovari insists rupture the night before, so I was going to edit said episode, and the amount of tangents we went on that made absolutely no sense, made it to the point that I could not edit an episode. So here we are rerecording about a month later. Sorr. You guys, we've both then running around like women without heads on.
Absolutely, we've been super just busy this month, which I'm thinking, whoever above is listening. Thanks for making us so busy, but we're also two people doing the work of probably five or six. So podcast recording has gone by the wayside. Which my kids have three weeks from today until school starts, so we'll be able to reprioritize again.
So we're almost there. But since Cass was in the midst of starting wedding planning, this cute bride of ours a follower of the podcast, I should say her name is Emily and she lives in Texas. She's getting married in November, and she went to our favorite Elizabeth Lee to have a custom dressed on. So no idea what it looks like, but I'm excited to see what it ends up being.
Yeah, absolutely love it. But she had sent in this idea of an episode because right now she's struggling with how to decide who to invite or not to invite to the wedding, specifically, a question of inviting co workers is something that she's been struggling with herself, which I think everybody has that struggle because the more people you invite, the more money you got to spend. It's very true, and of course a lot of people also think that the more you invite, the more gifts you're going to get. Not oh, not everybody bring guest.
I had a lot of people not bring gifts or family who went on a went in on a twenty five dollars coffee pot, even though I had several and it was three sets of aunts and uncles, so six people total. And they're very proud of themselves because they are all super religious and don't believe in coffee, and they bought me a coffee pot. And I bet it was like, since it's twenty five bucks, it's not even a good one. No, it was a Walmart brand.
It was funny. So but what I know since your early stages of planning, you have a fun little planner that you've been using to kind of write down possible guests. Yes, didn't have How did you start prioritizing at least initially? And obviously nothing's been finalized because we still have to figure out date, location, all that, But yeah, what have you been doing to try and take those steps on choosing who should be invited and who should not be invited? So I got my planner off of Amazon, which is great, but I'm also somebody that I like to see digital as well as well, as it may not hold as many names as I need got big family, But you can also do a spreadsheet where I started out with listing immediate family to like the next level of extended to cousins, aunt's, grandpa, grandma's and stuff. And then I listed all of my friends as well as like my parents, friends who have been there like my whole life, as well as my fiance's family and his friends.
As how I broke it down, are there like four different pages of like family, friends, family friends depending on the side. Yeah, So once I've listed everybody, I'm going to go through and be like, well, when was the last time I talked to you? And like have you actually been in my life kind of thing? Yeah, could you pick Riley out of a lineup right? You know? Yeah? And I think that's valid at least with us. Sean's older brother had already previously been married when we got married. He was divorced at the time or going through a divorce.
But when they were planning his wedding, they had built a spreadsheet like the boil Side did, and they used that for like guest count addresses, so they kind of had something that they made like four years prior or five years priory, so they were like, hey, we've already kind of got a leg up. We'll just see if anybody's addresses have changed. But these were the people that were a priority for us, you know, so many years ago, so we kind of used that to duplicate to do my mom and her ex husband's side, as well as my dad and stepmom's side, which you know, there were still so many people. Yeah, but I worked at a small, tiny bridle shop of like me and an owner and then like two part time people, so I had zero pressure on inviting anyone from morel I invited the owner because she had been my manager before she bought the store, so at that time I was really close to her, right So, but I mean Sean didn't care to invite any of his coworkers.
But also, my husband doesn't frightenize with people at work. He's just like, let me work and then let me go home because I'd rather be with my family than you people. I feel that, you know. So I was gonna say you only have one person, that's true, But I mean I did work in a hospital with Cenna's nurses.
Ohyagers, housecleaning you name it, and I would I would not invite all of this handful of them. Most of them I didn't really care for their attitudes or they're the way that they talked towards me, or would put themselves on a pedestal above me. So it's like I'd really only invite the ones that I like text oh yeah, yeah, And I mean I think that's fair. My I feel like my mom's ex husband had invited people from work, but he was that type of person.
He liked to be showy. And the funny thing was, I'm like, yes, you did help pay for the wedding, but not to a level that you can be like, look what I've paid for kind of thing. But we had told wow, it is raining hard, it's like flooding outside. It's fine.
But I had told the parents, if you want, like, you need to tell me who is the top priority. Yeah, and I prefer if it's family and friends, but like people that either you're super close to that you want them to be there to celebrate my marriage or people that I have met, but like we kind of categorized a little bit. Yeah, But after that, I was like, hey, with the amount of money, you know, each side said that they could help with on top of what Sean and I said, we could do it narrowed in the amount of people we could invite, so we said, you need to prioritize, like we kind of split it in fourth essentially, right, maybe thirds ish, you know, but um, we tried to split it in that way and say, okay, this is how many everyone technically can invite. Anything.
On top of that, if you have a certain side was specifically wanting more people than what the amount could cover, they needed to upfront more money essentially to bring those others on. And that was really hard because we were in a space that could hold a lot of people. But also at the same time, I didn't want a huge wedding, but I still had a giant ass wedding. So but I know there were some coworkers there of like my dad's from the hospital.
But my dad's worked at the hospital since nineteen ninety I was a year old when he started. Yeah, like the hospital for a while. So yeah, so I mean, and there's only a couple that like I've met. Because my dad also isn't super close friends with people.
Most people fear my father, which I love. I get that it's so funny, but but yeah, it was. It was really tough on deciding who we were okay with and who we'd be like no, and I felt like we did more guests than knows just because it was like, shit, each parent is chipping in a decent amount of money, so I don't want to be an asshole and say give me your money, but you can't invite so and so. In hindsight, though, I probably would have been more like, we're going to keep this small, yeah, and say I only want one hundred and fifty people there, so we can only invite immediate family and close friends.
I would have cut like aunts and uncles because I'm not close to a lot of them, and things like that. What was that we got hailing? Uh huh, it's hailing. Oh my, that's big. That's a good thing.
My windows, are you correct? It's fine. So but yeah, i'd say guest is one of the hardests to map out for a wedding, kind of why it should be prioritized from the beginning. Yeah, So I don't envy anyone who's in the throes of wedding planning because it is stressful, that's it, And mine is I'm either a destination what I mean, I guess they're kind of destination weddings. Yeah, but there likes only a couple hours.
Yeah, so it's either gonna be another country a couple hour drive or Salt Lake. So it kind of depends. And it's I know, there's been some like depending on the location in said country, like they maximum's twenty people and so, and then of course Riley's telling all of his friends and they tell through a grape Brian and I get those people coming up to me. That's like, so, what since I hear about getting married in this place? And I was like, excuse me, My best friend doesn't even know yet.
So Riley, you shut your goddamn mouth before I rip your head off, because your entire friend group knows and my best friend doesn't even know. I'm like, you're inviting all these people, but I don't know if I can bring them well. And I would say the only way to bring them is saying, hey, honey, we're gonna need more funds and we're not going to be able to do this whole elopement through whatever country dot com. We're gonna need to actually find an event planner over there.
And pay them to plan an entire legit wedding just like we would do here. Oh, I've already told them that depending on what I go with, depending on the amount of people, these people may not go. And I'm going to have you tell them. Yeah.
Yeah. And it's it's crazy to me that one people ever put an expectation on of will you better invite me? Nothing drives me more crazy than somebody assuming that they are allowed to come to something I'm doing for myself, right, And I've never even joked that way because I mean, it'd be one thing to joke with you, because I know if you were like, hey, I'm going to this place and I've got to condense, I'd be like, don't even feel like you gotta invite me? Like you go, do you? I don't care because it's about you, not about me. But there's very few people I'm super close with that I can joke that way with me and Katie exactly. That's it.
Like anybody else, I would just like I wouldn't. Yeah, And I had plenty of people who said that stuff to me, where they're like, I hope you invite me, and I'm like, I don't know you from Adams, So why would I invite you. I don't throw that guilt trip on me either, Like if I wasn't to invite you, Yeah, don't make me feel like shit exactly because one that's not like this. I just I guess I've never expected somebody to invite me to things like like it makes me think of when I was in like junior high, right, and maybe there's a certain group of girls or whoever you're like, oh my gosh, I would have loved to be their friend and like go to their sleepovers or whatever, and then you like get the pity party invite to something.
I don't want that if you didn't think of me in the first place, I'm not a priority and that's fine, right. So but I know here in the dynamic of how I was raised, and maybe it's a whole statewide thing because a lot of people are raised similarly. I'm not sure, but I feel like there's always a guilt about, well, we can't not invite this person or that person because they're gonna get offended. And it's like, okay, well let them get freaking offended because this we have to pay for them to be there.
It's not like these people are chipping in money like venmoing me twenty five bucks ahead to cover everything, you know, and I don't. I hate the guilt trip stuff, but I know what's going to happen, And especially if parents are holding purse strings, there's always a likelihood of a guilt trip coming from somewhere of well, you can't do this to me because I've dreamt about this day, you know, your whole life. Yeah, and I want to have whatever people there, I want to celebrate to like show off the child I've raised and the glamorous life they're gonna have or what have you. Like, I don't know, it just it drives me crazy.
Yeah, but I never dynamics different, Like I couldn't have said that stuff to certain family. Yeah. And it's like I don't know even I feel like there's some family that I might If I don't get invited, that's fine. Well, One, it means I don't have to buy a present, so I ain't got to spend money.
Yeah, and I don't have to show up and spend more time there than I would like an acquaintance sweating exactly. And then two because one if depending on the person you know, you're gonna get invited to a bridal shower and you got to show up with a present. You're gonna get invited to the bachelorette party, and if that's out of one, they're going to expect a gift. And two, they're gonna expect you to pay your weight at this thing because most of the time it's not local, right, And then three, they're gonna invite your ass to the wedding and then also expect a wedding gift.
Wedding being a wedding guest person or a bridesmaid or groomsman is some of the most expensive things you will spend your money on as an adult. Yeah, So when somebody's like, assuming they're invited, I'm like, assume. I'm not, Like, that's totally fine. You don't need to spend your money on me.
I'll keep my money from myself. We'll hang out later and like grab dinner together, and I'll be like, hey, congratulations, there you go. Obviously that's for my priorities. We went to dinner.
I was there. Yeah, we're set, we're set. But I and then I know, I don't believe Emily had that in there, but they other topic that it made me think of because I've seen so many articles and even TikTok videos all of these things of people asking is it okay to say that children are not invited to the wedding? Absolutely, because there's a huge controversy around that where some people have said, well, that's not fair because I'd have to get a sitter, and then it's like, don't go. Yeah, but I have been to plenty of weddings where children are running amuck, which, let me tell you, kids do that.
They are kids. My kids do it all the time. But there are certain areas of life. I know I will not take my children to wedding receptions are one of them, because they will not sit and I'm gonna be screaming my head off tom them to sit their ass down.
Sometimes there's your kids scamming. I know, don't touch the mirrors here, yes, Like I have anxiety of them coming into my store, So why would I take them to some fancy wherever? For real? So if somebody says no children, I'm like date night exactly, and I'm like, Mama can get a little loosey goosey, but more loose than the goose because the goose Violet can you tell what we do most of our free time trying to find goddamn TikTok trends. So but I have seen that topic so much in correlation with guest inviting because on top of people saying how do you choose who to invite? Always it's always an open ended question. It's like that's a personal thing.
I can't tell you, but here's how I navigated or how someone else did. But when it comes to children, like we had children at our wedding, and some people's children were way out of control that I was just like, yeah, I'm gonna have a heart attack. And I think that's one way to look at it because I'm such a like a mother bearer, a helicopter even like people I don't know, But I don't necessarily punish other people's kids. But I'm constantly watching, yeah, my own wedding.
I don't want to have to worry about somebody touching something or running around. I already have to watch adults. I don't want to watch children. Yeah, And you shouldn't have to do those things on your wedding day.
You know, when my youngest brother had gotten married, the first time they had it up at Millennial Falls, and they actually down in the basement have like a kid room and so they had somebody had like essentially somebody there that you could check the kids in with and they could play. Yeah. So that was one thing about that venue at that time that I remember I really loved because not a lot of venues did that. Yeah, but they had a child specific play So I was down in the basement and down there was like where the groom's room was, but they had like a whole kid like indoor play area.
Mostly more like a little kid you know, right, but for the most part, if it's going to be like a teenager, like, they may be moody, but they usually can chill. But I've never thought it was inappropriate ever on an invite saying no children allowed, let alone those people that like get offended about that. It's not their right. I would never tell somebody that it's not fair the way that they invited me to their wedding.
Yeah, I'm sorry, And yeah, I mean, I know I'm fortunate because I have so many people here who could take my kids, right, you know. And I know there's people who maybe are living in another place away from family, so they don't really have a sitter maybe that they trust. Yeah, for whatever reason, Like I totally understand, but just let the frind know, Like, Hey, I really wish I could come, but I don't have a sitter for the kids, so we won't be at the wedding. But you know, if you have a bridal shower or anything like that, please invite me so I can at least still come celebrate with you because I can leave the kids home with dad or whatever.
But but yeah, it's always interesting to read these topics online because people definitely can easily get offended, but at the same time, and I also think it's the way that you deliver it, because I have read some things were like you see how it was worded, and I'm like, okay, well, no wonder people got mad at you. You were polite about it. You're a giant middle finger like no way, and it's like, okay, well, if you're gonna be that way, you're going to get that reciprocated. I have your kids, yeah, had your kids, had your veum.
I know there's a few things online and I haven't looked at them in a while, but they're kind of like those old teen magazines where you follow the lines and find out who your boyfriend is. Very styles. Yeah, okay, and but there's some that like should I invite this person to my wedding? It's follow lines so we can always try to linklin or something and show notes. Let's say I could look at that and what was I gonna say? And then there was I think another one I don't remember where we saw, but we were talking about how kind of in that funnel of deciding who to invite who not to invite, Like you were saying, when was the last time you talked to this person? Do they get a Christmas card from you? If you're a peron who sends out Christmas cards? Like, do they get a Christmas card from you? Or do you receive one from them? Do you spend any time with them that they have met the person you were marrying and know both of you? Right, Because at least in today's world, that's important.
Yeah, you know, because one we're starting to live through a recession again. People aren't wanting to spend a whole lot of money. People aren't making a whole lot of money, which I get to COVID happened and we all learned I only talk to like twelve people through COVID, right, are the only twelve people they are going to do anything with me. So but Emily, I hope this helped.
Just we're sending you all the love we can and hopefully wedding planning has gone well. Don't let anybody try to tell you who you have to and can't invite. Yeah, it's your wedding, it is. And if that means that maybe someone in the family isn't going to financially support you to just remap the wedding and you know you're going to have to find that middle ground.
That's usually the hardest part is if somebody's holding that over your head. But hopefully your family dynamic is not toxic like in cases and how I was raised that just have that open conversation, because that's what I hope in the future if my children choose to get married, that they can have that with my husband and I just saying this is what's important to us and how we want to prioritize, because I think I'd rather my kids say I want to go run away in a lope and not have a wedding. I'd be like, great, you're like less he let's do it. Yeah, just please make sure you're wearing something that h is more than like an itty bitty thong bikini on like some beach whatever.
I'm in one of the Julie's no cups, are you sure? Hey? As long as they put tape off, I don't care. I don't. But also, like I mean, if I've looked like a Victoria's Secret super if I look, I would be naked on my wedding. But I am not that I was looking like those models in Tel Aviv.
I don't think I'd still be in Utah. You would live in a nudist colony. You would not be clothed one hundred percent. Not only that, like I think i'd try to be famous.
You're already trying to be famous Castle. You're not wrong, But I don't think i'd be in Utah. You don't put the UTAs that all right, Loves Well, this was just a nice, short and sweet episode we wanted to do just to kind of give our input on who to choose to invite to your wedding. So hopefully this resonates with more than just our sweet Emily who reached out.
If you have any ideas for episodes, please feel free to email us at Everybody pod at vadash bridal dot com. We'll have all of our normal social connection links in the show notes. If Cass and I find any good resources besides, like her little planner book she uses, any good quizzes you can take, I will find those before getting this up, so that you guys have some good resources to try and utilize for wedding planning. Absolutely, and feel free to message us on any of those platforms.
Or my computer ain't working. Oh it's because my phone. Don't blame that, But go ahead and message us with any questions or topics that you would love for us to address, or just say hi. Absolutely, we love talking to people.
Yeah, so well, we hope you all have a wonderful and just remember that everybody is a bridal body. Talk to you soon him and went back and then and then.
